Mental, and emotional health always seems like a story in the news or in the papers. A story of others who sit in those YouTube channels giving personal tragic stories.
They all seem so far from us, until it happens to us and we feel it in every sense. And it all of a sudden seems so close to us. This year 2020 is that year that has robbed us of things but this one was least expected.
The tragedy. Pius left us at the peak of his life. When you would least expect.. is when he left. There had been pretty worse times before, times we shared and cried ourselves to sleep. He was fighting some sort of depression. He was seeing a counselor and he stablized. we had talked it over.and slowly things seemed to be working out.
We had talked about two prospective job openings and thankfully, he landed in one of them. life seemed to be on an upward trend. Once again things looked up. What a joy. I have a large heart and in many ways, he had won a bigger part of it.
That Sunday evening, I had been visiting with a friend, we talked about everything trending and afew gossips here and there. Then I felt my peace leave me and I got somewhat disturbed.
I called my immediate family, my sister and mother. To know how they were doing and to try clear my disturbed heart. When I couldn’t make up what was happening, events over rode us and we made supper. Just as we were about to eat.. I saw a call from home… And the caller asked “do you know pius?” … At that moment my body grew numb.
I hang up that phone and I did not want to hear what the caller was saying. I stared to the ceiling wishing, hoping praying that it was not true. A call from his girlfriend and several other calls would later confirm what I feared the most. That pius was no more.
My unbelief I wished to hear he was admitted at hospital fighting then I’d go sit next to him hold his hand and tell him that we would make it through. Because I knew. Pius can fight and win anything. But noo.. This was death. And it came with such a finality!
That night was among the longest ones, I waited for the morning, more than the watchmen do. I headed straight to confirm what I had told last night. Somehow, I thought I was going to work out a miracle.
I got there. It dawned on me.. That was the reality. He had taken his life. He had left us a note, like most people will do. After my tears, that haven’t dried even now, I sat to recollect. What signs had he given that we did not see. Anything we might have overlooked. But I realize I can’t hold it to him or to anyone else.. I can only take lessons..
On good memories, pius was a writer. He wrote me poems. Sweet poems. some of which I will allow you to read here in. Please read them when I do. I have to let the world know of his awesome mind. To me he was a knight. He would deal with almost everything. He seemed to have an answer to almost every single question. When he was around, I almost got careless, he was in charge.
We loved nature. With Pius, we took walks in the aberdare, we loved writing.that was how best we expressed He was a romantic. He believed in Love and he Loved hard and true. Such a love is rare. Dead or a alive, I know we shared a connection that no one can take away from me. Yet with all that, Pius was vulnerable to me. He knew his vulnerability was safe with me. He opened up when he struggled, when he was happy. Unfortunately, even when he was struggling…he would still help others. He would still smile when his heart was crushed.. Pius was what we would call a man of the people. The youth looked up to him. The older ones loved him. He is a sweet smelling herb. His aroma lives on…
When he was indifferent and did not want anyone around him. When his moods fluctuated like they would often do.. and he was suddenly not fine. Even then he was still a favorite. I was not going to give up on him. I knew he would go through so much but I never thought it was supposed to end this way. At least not so soon
I’m trying or learning to get used to the demise. It might heal first, ( and so I pray) or it may take some time Perhaps writing this is my way of mourning pius. In the mean time… Check on your friends and family. #itsokeynottobeokey. #depressionawareness #mentalwellness We can’t keep loosing people Rest peacefully Pius. Even in death you are loved. You are a gift to lives. Thank you living a life that even death has not been able to stop.