” I’m in love with a married man.. ” That was Diana’s opening statement. It got me starlted and questions that followed are what led to our lunch date 20th October. Diana is a friend who we call Dee at the office. So that mashujaa day after church we sat in one corner of a juice shop cooling the sun With cane juice.
“It is more than being in love,” Evvie. That’s my Nick name even at work. “Its an on and off relationship that has lasted 6 years11 months. It started way back after leaving school. I was employed in this hotel reception. My salary was barely 20 thousand. With a rent to pay bills to pay and with 3 siblings.. I wouldn’t go back home to muchatha.” Muchatha is a place in banana near Rwaka. That was Diana’s village.
I had to survive or survive in Nairobi. What kept me were the tips I got from happy customers who were mostly men. God bless their generosity.” So if you give those tips… Please keep giving them.
I’m brought up in a very Christian background,, if there’s anything like that…a solid concrete family with a father mother and children.
I have a dream to build up one. And keep my man.. Society has taught me keeping a man is a woman’s responsibility. I grew up knowing that..
My relationships
This explains why I dated. Why I kept trying with guys my age. How I was willing to get married at 26 to one man I met in campus.. And God knows the details of how unceremoniously our 3 years relationship ended.
How it broke me n crushed me. Yet the words of Maya Angelou
Have the courage to trust love over and over again
“After a few months I was willing to try again.This time correct my wrongs and keep this new man till we walked down that isle in that bright white gown. And make the whole village proud..
This was special, He cooked sometimes, we had take outs. He was a great chef. Prayed together and talked how it was going to be. We even named our children… Heaven help me here I go again.. And it happened again and again
Let’s not even go to how I lost virginity to a not deserving son of man.
All this time at my work place some man was consistent in coming over and leaving a tip. And I was dependent on it.
God knows how happy I was when I saw that pajero, drive in Thursday evenings.I knew I had a descent meal . it almost looked like a debt he was paying. He never said anything though. Just normal conversations like other customers.
No job
Then one day my job ended and without a notice I was sacked . I knew my downfall had started .my savings would last me 2 months.. I hit rock bottom.”
At this point I remembered how my job had ended last yearb in a sales company I used to work for. I had anticipated it..but it took a tole on me. I have even recorded it here.
yndungu.wordpress.com. in a series of 3
Just before you quit ,why we work and ,when you finally quit.
So i understand how it must have been for her..losing a job is hard.
” But I had my mind made up. I wouldn’t go back to muchatha.” Dee continued.
” As I sat in my bedsitter on the carpet there was no chair ,frustrated, no job,no lover,no money..
My phone rang. A voice I didn’t immediately recognise was calling to ask why I wasn’t at the reception. I lied I was off duty..it wouldn’t come out of my mouth that I had no job. Not my mouth!!
Then the following day I got the same call gave the same answer.. This time I knew who it was. I was sure. It was my one Blesser who came every Thursday. I couldn’t keep lying. I admitted I was no longer working ..
mystruggle
That’s how I landed a new job… A more handsome pay for a lesser demanding job. It was the bait on my trap..” I cannot date a married man almost my dad’s age. I’m born again.. I went to church. My dad is a clergy man.I can’t!” That was my stand and confession. Dee sternly said looking at me. I could tell the truth in her eyes.
“So I never took him seriously. I had my boyfriends. ( important to note is that my heart had changed.. .. I had gone from a good naive heart to a heartless girl.)
Bitter, beaten by life and love, hardened by experience.
I have been caught cheating on this man he has caught me more than thrice. With evidences on my phone
With every investment he had made in me I lied I kept other boy friends. But he kept coming back “Saying I’m not leaving after I have made you grown you! I’m not leaving. And you aren’t either”
It was not easy.. You had rather urge with your age mate not a learned older man. You will loose
He had the anger of a lion.. He had facts he knew what I was doing behind him. I knew I wouldn’t last.. He promised me I wouldn’t last.. Each relationship has their struggle. That was ours.
The man would now visit my apartment and wasn’t ashamed to stay over .thank God this was Nairobi and people minded their business. He drove all the way from Nakuru to Nairobi.
To see me. Only to find me at a club. Drunk.. He carried me home.
He would say he has gone for a business trip and spend almost a week with me.!”
I looked at Dee and her eyes teared. I handed her a serviette. Then we both let out a simultaneous laughter..
The judgments
I had to however deal with the accusations.. I have a sponsor.. I’m dating someone older. I stole someone’s husband….. I felt married. How was I going to even tell my mother! The chairlady of the woman’s guild? How?
I lost friends, I sometimes got a call from someone asking me to leave him.
It hasn’t been easy.. Just like other relationships. It has flaws its not perfect. But I’m settled. I won’t leave him to start again.
Acceptance
Yes you heard me..im not leaving.. I have a son 11 months now. His only son who has cemented our union. We await to celebrate his first birthday . His name is Antonio
I have photos of his 3 beautiful daughters and their mum. She is Salome.when we go shopping and I like something.. I pick two of them.Mine and Salome’s.
I went from dating a sponsor to becoming a second wife. My ruracio is happening May 2020
This is my story..
I never anticipated I would ever be here.. But I am and life unfolds differently for everyone. It may not be the right thing to do but it happened.
I thought sharing mine will demystify a notion that I just dressed up put on make up and stood on the street waiting for a handsomely rich man to exchange love for money with.
It was getting late.. We had to leave. Dee needed a platform she could share her story for her brother who is really mad at her. For you and me who would want to accuse her. And for her satisfaction.
We paid the waiter.. And she remembered to leave a tip.
Storiesitell. #Because everyone has a story Nyambura Ndungu Nov24-2019